Gold's Gym's Stride Trainer is Really a Pride Strainer

After a few weeks of owning this machine, I have but one goal: to use it until it breaks and throw a party to dismantle it with baseball bats in a fit of rage fueled vengeance. If any of my neighbors happen to be awake in the wee hours of the morning when I use it, they must think that I am a big fan of demeaning hate-sex given the amount of times that "You like that, you bitch?" comes out of my mouth in reference to this device. Once it is fully battered beyond submission, I plan to take the remains and dump them outside a gym of its namesake so they can have their Satan spawn back. All of it, save one part: the battery powered digital screen that mocks me with fervor every session. That will be mounted on my wall like a dead animal after a grueling hunt.

Because putting it on a stake in my front yard would just be overboard and tasteless.

Let me make it make it very clear that my expectations of this piece of fitness equipment were not over reaching given both the price and the fact that it was available at Walmart. I understood that this machine would not feel as stable, have as many features or last as long as professional gym equipment.

That being said, let me explain just how crappy this hunk of junk is.

First, the best workout I've gotten from it was putting it together. Not even the most sadistic engineers from the bowels of IKEA hell could have imagined the hand cramping torture of putting together a massive piece of machinery with nothing more than allen wrenches. It took hours, the manual was not well thought out and my hands nearly went numb from all the screwing. And NOT in the good way.

The first experience using this device was kind of what I expected. It was awkward and not as sleek as the equipment in the gym but I was ok with the purchase as a whole. I know I got what I paid for.

By the third use things were different. I could absolutely tell that this monstrosity was failing. There was creaking, popping, thumping and the rocking of the front base was far more than it should be. The thing is already falling apart.

I am not over the weight limit and I am respecting the integrity of something that was put together by a novice in Swedish building form.

It's legitimately just a piece of shit meant to take your money much like Gold's Gym is known for anyway.

$250 divided out by 12 months is almost exactly $20/months. You can get a gym membership at most affordable fitness centers for that price and access to far more than a shoddy built 'stride trainer' that will absolutely not make it 12 months with even once a week of regular use.

Do yourself a favor bypass this snake oil sale.