My 2014

2014 really was a pretty big and important year for me. I had to grow up in a lot of substantial ways.

It was the first time I've ever lived alone and was fully financially responsible for everything in my life.

It was the second time I ever had to leave a home of sorts.

And it was the year I found one of those incredible, poetic and novel-worthy loves.

In hindsight, it's always been the challenging times where I've actually thrived. Where I look back on all of it and think "That was an adventure that felt like a nightmare" I think most parts of this year felt that way because the foreign concept of all of the experiences was absolutely terrifying.

Living alone has taught me a great deal; most importantly that I actually can do it. I don't even like the idea of sleeping alone. Much less sleeping without someone in the house. And definitely not knowing that I may never go to sleep with someone in the house ever again. What if there are ghosts?!?

But I did learn to go to sleep alone... I actually learned how to be good at that a long time ago. You just get a dog that will cuddle.

And I learned how to go to sleep without anyone in the house. You buy a machete from RenFest, a door chime from Walmart and you grow a pair of balls after a while that end up being so substantial that you no longer need the door chime and sometimes you even forget to lock the door. And, if you get afraid of ghosts, Gilmore Girls will usually scare them away.

Now I'm actually pretty good at living alone. I enjoy what little time I have to reflect in silence. I make sure to give Sam lots of attention. And I can be totally gross and eat stuff that falls on my shirt and no one will judge me for just saying 'fuck' it and leaving it there.

So, yeah. Fear conquered and personal growth acquired.

Leaving my first real big-girl job was a little more difficult. The Gilmore Girls couldn't really do much for me with that. I was making less than an assistant manager at a gas station and the company was no longer going in the direction that I had been passionate about. Literally and figuratively. The office was moving further away and I couldn't afford to work there anymore.

Leaving there was like leaving home and family. Because I spent enough time in that office to call it home and the people inside were family in my eyes. It was very difficult to let go and think about how I wouldn't see them every day. Wouldn't have time for happy hours anymore. Wouldn't have the delicious meat wraps from the office building cafe.

Luckily I walked into a great group of people at my new job. I managed to keep contact from time to time with my old friends and make some new ones. I've also worked harder and faced more mental challenges at this new place than I have at any other. It's a new office so it's like a start-up and each individual plays a part in creating the culture and setting the standards. This has really made me grow up. It's made me learn to focus and trust myself; rely on my intelligence and capabilities much more than I had before.

I'm very proud of what I've accomplished concerning my career this year. And next year, I feel things are going to be even better.

Now, the last big thing I did was fall in love. And, even though that should have scared the hell out of me. It didn't. It still doesn't. It's big and beautiful and absolutely doing nothing but making me happier and happier. It's one of those loves that sets the bar of comparison for all things wonderful in the future.... And possibly tragic depending on how long she can put up with me but we'll see how that goes. I'm becoming much more charming in my old age.

All in all. This has been a good year. Challenging, scary, magical and wonderful... But overall... I had a really good 2014. And, come this time next year, I'm pretty sure I'll look back on it fondly.

Cheers everyone. I hope you had a good year too!

Gold's Gym's Stride Trainer is Really a Pride Strainer

After a few weeks of owning this machine, I have but one goal: to use it until it breaks and throw a party to dismantle it with baseball bats in a fit of rage fueled vengeance. If any of my neighbors happen to be awake in the wee hours of the morning when I use it, they must think that I am a big fan of demeaning hate-sex given the amount of times that "You like that, you bitch?" comes out of my mouth in reference to this device. Once it is fully battered beyond submission, I plan to take the remains and dump them outside a gym of its namesake so they can have their Satan spawn back. All of it, save one part: the battery powered digital screen that mocks me with fervor every session. That will be mounted on my wall like a dead animal after a grueling hunt.

Because putting it on a stake in my front yard would just be overboard and tasteless.

Let me make it make it very clear that my expectations of this piece of fitness equipment were not over reaching given both the price and the fact that it was available at Walmart. I understood that this machine would not feel as stable, have as many features or last as long as professional gym equipment.

That being said, let me explain just how crappy this hunk of junk is.

First, the best workout I've gotten from it was putting it together. Not even the most sadistic engineers from the bowels of IKEA hell could have imagined the hand cramping torture of putting together a massive piece of machinery with nothing more than allen wrenches. It took hours, the manual was not well thought out and my hands nearly went numb from all the screwing. And NOT in the good way.

The first experience using this device was kind of what I expected. It was awkward and not as sleek as the equipment in the gym but I was ok with the purchase as a whole. I know I got what I paid for.

By the third use things were different. I could absolutely tell that this monstrosity was failing. There was creaking, popping, thumping and the rocking of the front base was far more than it should be. The thing is already falling apart.

I am not over the weight limit and I am respecting the integrity of something that was put together by a novice in Swedish building form.

It's legitimately just a piece of shit meant to take your money much like Gold's Gym is known for anyway.

$250 divided out by 12 months is almost exactly $20/months. You can get a gym membership at most affordable fitness centers for that price and access to far more than a shoddy built 'stride trainer' that will absolutely not make it 12 months with even once a week of regular use.

Do yourself a favor bypass this snake oil sale.