Geek Baking: 101

Ok, so we had a potluck at work this Halloween and I wanted, as always, to be dorktastic and keep to the theme. Obviously I could have done something lame and obvious like “Worms in Dirt” or “Ghost Cookies” or an “Aborted Fetus”, but I really felt like going with something a little more classic with a morbid twist.

And being that I have a ridiculous crush on Once Upon a Time’s amazing evil queen, Regina, I was inspired to whip something together in her honor.

Her obsession with apples has actually gotten me hooked on the things. I’ll admit, I eat them with a fantasy in my head about how she gave them to me and that one of them (some lucky day) will be poisoned and then she’ll regret her decision and have to lay one on me to bring me back to consciousness.

It’s not so far fetched; some of you think Jesus is magic. Po-tay-to, Po-tah-to.

Anyway I decided to make ‘Regina’s Poisoned Apple Pie’; the poison being a splash of bourbon.

Here’s what you’re going to need:

6 medium (3 large) Honey Crisp Apples (Please note: The apples must be Honey Crisp, as they are Regina’s favorite, and otherwise the apple pie is not ‘Regina’s Poisoned Apple Pie’, it’s just ‘Your Shitty Granny Smith Apple Pie’.

¾ cup mixed white and brown sugar (Because we’re progressive up in this bitch and it tastes better that way.)

¾ tablespoon cinnamon

2 tablespoons flour

1 tablespoon lemon juice

⅛ tablespoon nutmeg

¼ tablespoon salt

1 egg white

Two frozen pie crusts (Because we don’t have all fucking day)

Splash of Bourbon

Step One: Go ahead and pre-heat the oven to 425. It saves time and, if you’re like me (skimpy on the gas), keeps you warmer.

Step Two: Get to chopping on those apples. I prefer them chunked, but if you feel frisky, go ahead and slice. Two important notations: Don’t peel them, because it’s time consuming and unnecessary. And don’t leave the seeds in. Apple seeds can be poisonous if consumed and we’re not trying to take the clever title that far.

Step Three: In a bowl, mix together sugar, cinnamon, nutmeg, salt, flour, lemon juice and bourbon. Then pour in the apples and get those hands dirty. Mix until everything is good and sugary, then dump it in one of the pie crusts.

Step Four: In a small bowl, froth egg white and half a teaspoon of white sugar. Put the remaining pie crust on top and brush it with your froth.

Step Five: Cut some small slices in the top crust and shove that bitch in the oven for about 40-45 minutes.

Step six: Pull out, let cool for about 20 minutes, and just be awesome.

And I must say, it was fantastic... Just like Regina.